July 31, 2025

There’s waiting for a period like a regular person. And then there’s waiting for a period after IVF — after you’ve already had your miracle baby.

When my period is late, I secretly hope. I hope that maybe my body has finally figured it out. That maybe I won’t need the needles and the schedules and the surgical procedures this time. That maybe we could do this the “normal” way — just my body deciding, all on its own, to make life again.

But right behind that hope is a wall of guilt. I already have my son. My miracle. The baby I prayed and bled and broke myself for. Shouldn’t I just count my blessings? Shouldn’t that be enough?

And then comes another layer — one I don’t talk about much. If I do have another baby, will my son still feel as honored and loved as he is now? Will sharing me make him feel like less of a miracle?

I want another baby. But I don’t want to go through IVF again. I want to hold on to the joy of what we’ve built, but I also ache for what might be next.

And it’s strange to admit that — that gratitude and longing can live in the same heart. That you can feel complete and still hope for more.

So when my period is late, I don’t just wait. I sit with all of it: the hope, the guilt, the memories of what it took to get here, and the quiet, trembling question: Could my body really do this on its own?